Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Brain fart... know, I'm really working on being the best person I can be. Being a spoiled mama's girl takes a lot out of you - it's good and bad. Good, because it's nice to be take care of so thoroughly, bad because when you're out of the nest, you discover the world isn't so quick to take after mom. I believe in taking care of loved ones, I'm stingy - very stingy and proud of it. Even with my family I'm careful to make sure I get back what I put in, Ma was the only person who deserved unconditional love (which I had to learn, only thinking of myself on a regular basis, I had to catch myself and see if she ever needed anything - at least I did. M(Who I thought was) my best friend has been going through stuff for over a year now, I did my best to help and cheer her up. Even brought her a funny birthday card and a snack and hung out all day in her attic apartment. This past Monday was my birthday. Did I get a card? 'Happy Birthday' sung over the phone (which is a family tradition)? NO! she fucking texts "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" That's it. So now I must go back to my me-first mentatility, I cannot afford to be screwed over anymore, by anyone, you can only run on credit for so long.

Fucking leeches. At least when you feed a stray animal, you know that you're helping them. Bill Hicks said it best, 'we are a virus with shoes.'